Crona's Poem

How do I learn to deal
With things I've never experienced?
What if they're scary?
Can I curl up in my corner?
Can I block out these strange sensations?
But...
What if these new things are fun?
No. They won't be.
They never are.
Am I happy now, with things the way they are?
I don't know.
Am I sad at all?
I don't know.
How about angry?
I don't know.
Am I anything at all?
Yes.
Scared. Nervous.
There's nothing here to help me
The line that let me hide away is gone
What do I do?
If I curl up in my corner, could I...
...disappear?
Hide away from the world
And everything that makes me uneasy?
Will I be forced to handle something I can't deal with?
Like before?
Like always?
I don't know.
So many questions
Not one answer.
Why am I who-and what- I am?
I don't want to be something
That hurts others anymore
I don't want to be anything
I don't want to see the world
So bright and overwhelming and scary
I don't want to acknowledge these questions
I can't answer them; I shouldn't have to!
I'm so scared of all of this...
It's getting so hard to hide from it all
I feel like my head will explode!
I don't think I could deal with a mothers' love
All I've ever known is a mothers' indifference
But maybe...
The line is gone.
Can I smile now?
NO!
I'll only get hurt
I'll only get others hurt
How about a laugh?
What is there to laugh about?
Nothing.
Nothing in this scary world.
The closest things to me
Are what pushed me inot my circle, this nothing of sand
A desert where all I can do
Is draw a line in the sand
And hope the monsters
Or worse
Don't get me
And maybe
If I close my eyes,
Curl up into a tiny, tiny little ball,
And wish really, really hard
Maybe, just maybe,
I can finally disappear
And be nothing.